10. Making a black metal snowman- This might not seem very kvlt or grim, but who says the legions of the dark lord can't partake in something fun every once in awhile. Just make sure your snowman has an ultra serious look on it's face and if you happen upon an enchanted bullet belt, DON'T PUT IT ON HIM!
9. Listening to a cassette tape in your mom's basement- This is one of the most mystical experiences a kvltie can have, we all know that cassette tapes cater to that "necro" production much better than CDs or Mp3s. P.S: Vinyl is pretty Kvlt too.
8. Creating a one-man black metal project- This is not further up on the list because it's quickly becoming unkvlt, after all lots of black metal fans are doing it, and if its popular: IT AIN'T FVCKING KVLT! As a side note make sure to limit the amount of copies you make, and only sell it or give it to other selected Kvlt people. If it sells more than 10 copies it's well on it's way to being too mainstream.
7. Ritual satanic animal sacrifice- This is only for the experienced kvltie. If you don't know the rules, simply slicing any old goats throat and yelling hail satan, then black metal shrieking will not cut it, unless you're black metal shrieking an incantation in Norwegian. Know the rites before you slice!
6. Move to Norway- This coupled with a few other choice activities yet to be mentioned will definitely cement your legacy as a trve kvlt fanatic. Norway is known to be the home of all true black metal, and all who want to possess its true grim power must at least make a pilgrimage to the unholy frostbitten lands, otherwise you are a fucking poseur.
5. Committing suicide- Only if done in the most kvlt manner. No whiny emotional letter, no telling people beforehand, and for Vargs sake don't fucking slit your wrists. What you need to do is just randomly blow your brains out with a shotgun, or climb a mountain during a blizzard and bash your skull against a rock. If you are in a band make sure your band mates partake of parts of your rotting corpse, or at least keep pieces of your shattered skull to do grim things with. Here's a nice idea: get your band to use a picture of your dead body for an album cover.
4. Killing you band-mates: Murder is known to be one of the most kvlt activities ever, especially when you have no good reason. If you decide to do this remember, you're probably going to jail, so make sure you have all your "masterpieces" recorded first. Also don't use a sharp knife, use shards of glass and your own penis to kill the bastard.
3. Church arson- Long has this been a staple of the trve kvlt. It doesn't matter how you do it, you just have to. The more churches you flame to a crisp the more Kvlt points you get.
2. Giving "scary" interviews- when someone wants to interview you, never be yourself. Always exaggerate about how much you love the devil, and how you want to see all the christian, and jewish swine bleed and suffer. Do not remove your corspe paint during these appearances. Be as dramatic as possible
1. A grim stroll in the forest- Almost every trve kvlt band has done this, and most of them film a music video while doing so. If you decide to film a music video remember these key points: look as evil as possible. Do not smile or "have fun" but be ever dramatic. Do not appear to have any intended goal, just walk in the woods and shriek and do dramatic hand jestures. Nature is a kvlties playground.
***Just to be clear I DO NOT endorse murder, church arson, suicide, or violence of any kind. I feel this needs to be stated because some people just don't have a sense of humor. I do not take part in these activities, but I poke fun at those who have and will continue to do so******
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